You know what goes great with football? Well…yes Peyton…Tapenade does go great with football (
)…but I was thinking bacon. But, bacon goes well with anything because as Jim Gaffigan will tell you, it is the fairy dust of food (
) Anyway, grab some bacon to make this news session even better, because this one is the longest in a while:
1. Yesterday was the deadline for teams to reach long-term deals with their franchise-tagged players before shelving talks until next offseason. Of the 5 tagged players, 4 of them signed long-term deals. I will talk about all 5 players in 3…2…1…
1.a. WR Dez Bryant signed a five-year deal with the Dallas Cowboys. The deal is worth $70 million with a $20 million signing bonus, $23 million guaranteed with the signing, and $45 million guaranteed come next March. This officially means that Dez will not skip training camp or any games. This deal bummed me out the most of the five because now my Giants have to play Dez twice a year for the next five seasons. Thats TEN TIMES! With the big deal, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones shows that he is willing to spend to make it all the way again. Of course, good luck getting through the Giants, ‘Boys.
1.b. WR Demaryius Thomas signed a five-year deal with the Denver Broncos. The deal is very comparable to Bryant’s with $35 million guaranteed and a $17.5 million signing bonus. Demaryius should start showing up at offseason team activities again, meaning Peyton can stop throwing Tapenade at him in anger, and begin throwing him the football again, restoring the balance of the universe.
1.c. OLB Justin Houston signed a six-year deal with the Kansas City Chiefs. The deal is worth $101 million with a $20.5 million signing bonus and $32.5 million guaranteed. The deal is the richest in Chiefs’ history and as a result, the Chiefs will continue to be in the conversation for second best defense in the NFL behind The Legion of Booom in Seattle.
1.d. K Stephen Gostkowski signed a four-year deal with the New England Patriots. The deal is worth $17.2 million with a $6 million signing bonus, and officially makes Gostkowski the highest-paid kicker in the league. The signing ensures that the Pats will make the new, long extra points for the next four seasons.
1.e. DE Jason Pierre-Paul signed an officially ticket to free agency next offseason. I’m just kidding of course, but the fireworks accident that he was involved in eliminated his chances of getting a long-term deal this offseason, and likely, ever. I’m glad the Giants aren’t wasting more money on him, but I really wish they revoked the franchise tag they placed on him because he is starting to turn into dead weight.
2. Moving away from the franchise tags, the Pittsburgh Steelers signed DE Cameron Heyward to a six-year, $59.25 million deal. Heyward has spent all of his 4 NFL seasons with the Steelers.
3. OL Dan Connolly has decided to retire from the NFL. He retires as a free agent but spent all of the past nine seasons with the New England Patriots.
4. Shout-out to my boy WR Odell Beckham Jr of the New York Giants for winning the ESPY for Best Play with “The Catch”. It was really funny that they actually came up with other nominees for the award like it was a competition.
That’s all for TheHaysWay today, enjoy your tapenade and bacon, and have a pleasant tomorrow.