The Math of Football and More Coaching Hires

Happy Weekend everybody, congratulations for a hard week, now kick back and relax with today’s NFL news:

  1. A mathematical model was completed using statistical measurements of playoff teams’ performances in the regular season. The model predicts that the Cincinnati Bengals and Arizona Cardinals will square off in Super Bowl 50. First of all, I’d like to point out that I have the Cards playing in the Super Bowl, so I have math on my side for that. Second of all, that would be a very intriguing matchup, as neither team has won a Super Bowl in the 49 years that the game has been played, though both have been before (the Bengals have been twice). Third of all, to make it more intriguing, Arizona Cardinals veteran QB Carson Palmer would be playing against the team with which he started his career. Third of all, the Bengals are going to need QB Andy Dalton back to even have a chance at making the Super Bowl, so this model seems a little far fetched. This matchup definitely wouldn’t anger me though.
  2. The Detroit Lions have hired a new General Manager in the form of New England Patriots director of pro scouting Bob Quinn. Not totally sure about this hire because the Pats’ drafts haven’t gone particularly well of late, but then, they usually have late draft picks because they ALWAYS make the playoffs.
  3. The All-Pro Team for this year has been announced, so analysis: QB Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers (no complaints here, the guy led his team to an almost perfect record with garbage receivers and he was a fantasy god all season); RB Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings (the Vikings finally won the NFC North and Peterson led the league in rushing yards); RB Doug Martin, Tampa Bay Buccaneers (former Boise State Bronco, Martin was a close 2nd in rushing yards this season and has a shot at comeback player of the year following his 2 previous disastrous seasons); FB Mike Tolbert, Carolina Panthers (another Panther, this makes sense); TE Rob Gronkowski, New England Patriots (he and Tom Brady kept the Patriots afloat during a season of injuries and he is a freak of nature); WR Antonio Brown, Pittsburgh Steelers (Brown is the best in the game right now.); WR Julio Jones, Atlanta Falcons (finally something to disagree with, how about instead of Julio we go with the greatest athlete in the world: Odell Beckham Jr); OT Joe Thomas, Cleveland Browns (even if you don’t know much about the lowly Browns, you know about the best blind-side protector in the game today); OT Andrew Whitworth, Cincinnati Bengals (challenge flag, Dalton is hurt right now…actually, Whitworth has stayed healthy, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt here); OG David DeCastro, Pittsburgh Steelers (no Steelers o-lineman deserves to be here with the key injuries they’ve had this year); OG Marshal Yanda, Baltimore Ravens (no Ravens o-lineman deserves to be here because their entire starting lineup got injured); C Ryan Kalil, Carolina Panthers (he’s a Panther, justified); K Steven Gostkowski, New England Patriots (I watched the kick against my Giants and this pick is totally a slam dunk); KR Tyler Lockett, Seattle Seahawks (as if the Seahawks didn’t already have enough young talent, they got another special young player in the form of this lightning-fast draft steal); DE Khalil Mack, Oakland Raiders (with the young talents the Raiders possess, Jack Del Rio might get fired for missing the playoffs again next season); DE JJ Watt, Houston Texans (this is a gimme because he plays offense and defense and is the second best athlete in the league behind OBJ); DT Geno Atkins, Cincinnati Bengals (there’s something about Geno and it’s this: great player, highly under appreciated, he is the anchor of the Bengals defense); DT Aaron Donald, St Louis Rams (how is it that the top two defensive sophmores made the team, but the top offensive sophmore in OBJ didn’t? No, how about the under appreciated Kwann Short or Jabaal Sheard); LB NaVorro Bowman, San Francisco 49ers (does anybody remember the 49ers? Neither do I but this guys reminds Niner fans of the glory days); LB Thomas Davis, Carolina Panthers (he’s a leader on the Panthers, double justified); LB Luke Kuechly, Carolina Panthers (best LB in the game today, he can stop the run and stop the pass, both at an elite level); LB Von Miller, Denver Broncos (Miller gets way more credit than he deserves, he is neither the best of the Broncos, nor is he a leader, I’m going with under appreciated vet Karlos Dansby of the Browns instead); CB Josh Norman, Carolina Panthers (this guy is definitely the dark knight because he got in OBJ’s head, translation: this guy is the best defensive player in the game right now); CB Patrick Peterson, Arizona Cardinals (don’t get me wrong PatPete is a great player, I’m going Chris Harris Jr here instead because the Denver Broncos rode their defense all the way to the playoffs); S Eric Berry, Kansas City Chiefs (another comeback player of the year because he played unbelievably well following his battle with Hodgkin’s lymphoma); S Tyrann Mathieu, Arizona Cardinals (this guy can play every position on defense and he plays them all really well); P Johnny Hekker, St Louis Rams (the lone bright spot for the Rams, he bailed out lack of offensive movement many times).
  4. That was a mouthful times 898 and then some. Drink a glass of water…take a deep breath…and we continue…
  5. The Washington Redskins want to keep QB Kirk Cousins. Shocker, right? I only have one more question: You like that?
  6. The Pittsburgh Steelers will be without RB DeAngelo Williams for their matchup at the Cincinnati Bengals this weekend. This will be totally irrelevant because the Bengals will be without QB Andy Dalton.
  7. Here are the candidates for the Pro Football Hall of Fame Class of 2016: Morten Anderson, K; Steve Atwater, S; Don Coryell, Coach; Terrell Davis, RB; Tony Dungy, Coach; Alan Faneca, G; Brett Favre, QB; Kevin Green, LB; Marvin Harrison, WR; Joe Jacoby, T; Edgerrin James, RB; John Lynch, FS; Terrell Owens, WR; Orlando Pace, T; Kurt Warner, QB; Ken Stabler, QB; Dick Stanfel, G; Edward DeBartolo Jr, Owner.

That’s all for TheHaysWay today, if you got this far definitely leave a comment to let everybody know of your accomplishment. Have a pleasant tomorrow!


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