Sidebar: Clearing My Mind and My Soul

So, I was just lying in bed, trying to go to sleep. The only problem was that I was thinking…I have a few things weighing on my mind and my soul that I need to talk out before I can sleep.

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Do you live your life striving to be a certain kind of person? I do. I try to be a good person. That’s not the new development, I know I’ve told all of you about that before. Thursday, I stopped dead in my tracks because one of my assignments made me think about the biggest moment, in which, I was not the person I wanted to be. I know that I’m not defined by that one moment, but I think about it…I wish that I had it all to do over again. I wish there was some way that I could adequately make up for my mistake in that moment. Anyway, the reminder of that moment left me staring into space for a good 10 minutes. I remember asking myself, “Am I really who I claim to be, and who I want to be?” I am. That much is clear to me. It always has been. I always come back to that after these moments of uncertainty. It really is a drain to have that mistake on my mind, though. I doubt it will go anywhere anytime soon, either, which makes it all the more painful. I couldn’t even finish the assignment in that moment. I had to play some NBA 2K 13 to make myself move past that moment.

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As a tangent to that thought, do you ever have moments where you have a question that you want to ask, but you don’t know to whom you should ask it? Well, yesterday, I wanted to ask someone, “Do you think I’m a good person?” I believe there are plenty of people who would respond, “Absolutely.” I didn’t want to ask those people. I wanted to ask someone who I believe might say, “No.” I’m not sure why…I never ended up asking anyone because I came back to my senses and remembered that character isn’t defined by one moment, but a lifelong collection of moments. So, I was quite unsettled on Thursday. Yesterday, I received a text from my best friend, who said, “It will be awesome when you come back.” That made me feel much better. That’s what friends are for. The timing of that text, right when I was feeling like a dirtbag, was perfect. It was probably the most perfectly timed text I’ve ever received, almost like a psychic connection, or something. Shout out to best friends!

Another thing on my mind was Thursday’s Boise State game. I about had a heart attack. FIVE turnovers for the Broncos! I thought for SURE they would lose their first game of their season the week before I go see them in person. (That’s right, I’m going to see them play @ the University of Wyoming with four of my friends here at DU!) I realized something else about myself in watching that game: I’m a big New York Giants and Boise State Broncos fan, but I’m a fan in different ways. I love the New York Giants. I pour my soul into my love of the Boise State Broncos. I have come to expect the Giants to lose during their season because they play in the NFL. With the Broncos, however, I always believe that they can go undefeated. It legitimately breaks my heart when they lose. Anyway, I’m REALLY glad that they ended up winning 28-27, despite the FIVE turnovers. So, I will be going to see the undefeated Boise State Broncos take on the Wyoming Cowboys next weekend. Go Broncos!

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Boise State WR Thomas Sperbeck with a TD catch in the Broncos’ narrow, 28-27 victory over BYU, on Thursday

I know this post was supposed to contain the 29th-ranked NFL franchise in all-time winning percentage, but I’m going to save that for the next post. This one was solely to talk a couple of things through.

That’s all for TheHaysWay today, have a pleasant tomorrow.


4 thoughts on “Sidebar: Clearing My Mind and My Soul

  1. When I got be this age (really many, many years before), I realized how wonderful this life is, and the mistakes that I thought I had made were actually learning experiences ( even though I am sure every one was probably devastating). And now I don’t even remember any! Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t dwell on the mistakes. You will be happier, believe me! If you had asked if I thought you were a good person, I would not have hesitated in my ” yes” answer. Carry on!!


  2. Try to remember… Everyone makes mistakes and has moments they wish they could rewind and do differently. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we regret who we are. It’s what makes us human. It shows you have a conscience if your able to reevaluate moments and actions in your life. That, in itself, helps to determine that you are…a good person.


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