Do you ever feel like being selfless is tough? You know the saying, “What goes around, comes around”? Well, I try my best to be selfless. For example, an hour ago, I started writing a different blog post than this one (which I might finish in a couple of days when I get the thought back) when one of my friends walked into my dorm room.
“You wanna play a quick game?”
Of course, he was referring to NBA2k13. Needless to say, I was in my PJs and writing a blog post and it was MIDNIGHT. So I said no, repeatedly. But, I decided to be a good friend and give him his game of 2K. I lost by two points. I tried to be nice, and I lost. When exactly does the “comes around” part kick in? That sort of thing seems to happen to me a LOT. Yet, I keep trying to be there for others when they need me. I don’t know why I do it. I just…like to make others happy. The world doesn’t seem to care about my own happiness. Also, my friend and I are SUPER competitive, so he decides to rub the game in my face, even though I was TIRED, ANGRY, AND I DIDN’T WANT TO PLAY IN THE FIRST PLACE. Seriously, a LITTLE bit of kindness in return for making him happy would be nice.
I don’t know if I do anything for myself anymore. I guess this blog counts. I watch TV shows fairly regularly. I eat junk food. You know, I FEEL like being there for others is the right thing to do. I FEEL like I want to make other people happy. But I WANT to be happy, too, you know? I don’t do things for others because it makes me happy. I do things for others because it’s the right thing to do. They deserve whatever little bit of happiness I can provide for them, right? In the past week, there was only one time when I felt a real wave of happiness wash over me: when I got a text from my best friend back home. He told me that I have no idea how much our friendship means to him. That’s exactly why he’s my best friend: he has no idea how much our friendship means to me, either. There’s nothing quite like a true friend who ALWAYS has your back. I can confidently say that I only have one such friend. I have a couple of friends who have my back MOST of the time, but only one ALWAYS.
Yesterday (by the time I post this), I went to an Oakland Raiders Bar and Grill with a friend of mine who is a Raiders fan. The Raiders lost. My dad is a Detroit Lions fan. The Lions lost. Basically, nothing has gone my way yet this year. I guess that’s what I get for being so optimistic about this new year, right? Well, I can still say that I have yet to break any sunglasses this year, so there’s that (though, I almost lost a pair twice).
I ask the question, “Is it worth it?” of selflessness. The truth is, I can’t answer that. I FEEL like it’s worth it, but I have absolutely no evidence to back up that feeling. I guess, it’s the only reason I can think of for why I’m here. Why live life, if not for others? I don’t want to be someone who lives life out of selfishness: my own success, money, happiness, etc. Others are the reason I live. Others are the reason I get up in the morning. Others are the reason I do everything I do. Even the few things that I do for myself, I do so that I can recharge myself to be in good condition to do things for others. Anyway, I’ll keep looking for an answer to the question. If I ever find it, I’ll let you all know. In the meantime, it would go a long way if the world started repaying me for my selflessness with a New York Giants playoff victory tonight.